78% of Auto Express staff are shitebags*

A bullshit article may have renewed idiots’ interest in the dull magazine, but how well behaved are the people behind the print?

From the toilet window of the Alternative Department for Transport HQ we can see directly into the Auto Express magazine’s car park and entrance, and we witnessed more than 1,000 breaches of society rules during a two-hour morning voyeurism period.

Illegal antics included picking their nose while driving, parking at a slight angle to the white line, and not holding the door open for the person following.

Check out this week’s Auto Express if you’d like to read more biased, divisive and harmful nonsense like this.

AE Staff  %**   Fault                    Non-staff %***

287      29.4  Not wearing bowler hat       NA      NA
104      10.7  Had odd socks                49     1.6
 90       9.2  Didn't say 'thank you'       NA      NA
 84       8.6  Bad haircut                  25     0.8
 58       5.9  Picking nose                 12     0.4
 44       4.5  Using swear words            42     1.3
 33       3.4  Causing derision             17     0.5
 16       1.6  Thinking up crap articles     0     0.0
  0       0.0  Knows about "road rules"     83     2.6
  0       0.0  Can interpret statistics     83     2.6
  2       0.2  Using foreign words          38     1.2
  1       0.1  Whistling a jolly tune        9     0.3
  0       0.0  Able to write competently    22     0.7

719       74.2 Total                       380    12.1

** Sample of 976 AE staff arriving over two-hours
*** Sample of 3,140 non-staff passing during same period

Source: I made it all up

For a more sensible discussion, see here, though I’m not sure it’s deserved.

* Probably